Rebecca Quinn

{March 2, 2011}   Dear Charlie Sheen….

What’s going on, Buddy? What’s happening up there? Let us know. How can we help you? You know, you’re a pretty funny guy. I enjoyed watching you on TV. I loved you when you did that little bit in Farris Bulers Day Off. And that one Mel Brooks movie you were in, when you were on the boat and you sailed past your father. That was funny. Good bit of comedy there.

You know, you remind me of Robert Downey Jr. I don’t know why. But I was watching your interview earlier and I thought, I have to see Due Date. But you’re not in Due Date. Which is a shame. Because I bet you would have been funny in it too.

You know why you probably weren’t in Due Date? Because you’re asking to be paid a ridiculous amount of money. I mean really. You want 3 million an episode for Two and A Half Men? Yeah, I like the show, but no way in hell! What kind of stupid request is that?!  Do you really not have enough money now? For someone who isn’t going to do drugs anymore, why do you need even more cash?

And what’s the deal with your brain functioning on another extraterrestrial plain, or whatever shit you said. Are you a Scientologist?  Really!? Are you waiting for the mother ship to come and bring you home? Is that what you need 3 million an episode for? A new space ship?

Look, Charlie. I really like you as an actor. I firmly believe that all you need is a good beating out back. I think that would knock some sense into you. But, then again, you’d probably try to fight back, and it would just be a mess.

I know it will happen soon, so I just want to say, R.I.P Charlie Sheen. (1965-2011)

[If not his life, most certainly his career…]

In any case, I’m sorry you lost your mind.


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